So far I have found that my mother hasn’t changed. Through snooping on people on her friends list, I see she contributes to their drama. A cousin of mine recently went through a difficult relationship break up and my mother is enjoying contributing to the drama on Facebook. Cleverly, she packages it as emotional support. But I know her. She wants to create drama and she won’t be satisfied until something happens.
Wow this brought me up short, I just went through, actually still going through, a family tragedy, and my mom, who I haven't seen since I was 13, and I'm in my 60s, who follows me on facebook, has been throwing in all these "support" messages everyday which I just acknowledge in a neutral way. Because I don't trust or need her but I am also not rude to her.
But when I saw this it resonated with me, she has never met, or even expressed an interest in my kids or grandkids. Now that someone has died, she wants to give me "support". But in this situation, it actually feels a bit like grandstanding, certainly the "help" she offers has no substance. And there is nothing to build on, there is no scaffolding in our relationship at all.
However even though I know she is probably a narcissist the drama thing hadn't really occurred to me. So yeah, thanks for pointing out what is probably a pretty obvious thing for people who weren't raised by emotionally damaging parents. I'm a big believer in awareness.