I am the delicious wholesome filling in an otherwise stale and expired narcissism sandwich

or why I believe pain is finite

Image credited to John McCann

It has come to my attention recently that there are quite a few narcissists of a lesser or wider stripe among us at all times. I am obviously coming to this observation extremely late in my life, and it has taken multiple nudgings to get me to admit it.

I think the reason is a combination of self-protection and denial.

It seems to me either that: people are talking and writing more on this topic, or that I have finally started to become aware that people often write about narcissism, and the effects of having this disorder in your family. In the factual articles and personal stories that i have absorbed, i see all too clearly my own childhood experience, as well as the repercussions.

Dear old mum

From my favorite site to look for what seems like fairly un-slanted info:

Destructive narcissistic parents have a pattern of consistently needing to be the focus of attention, exaggerating, seeking compliments, and putting their children down. Punishment in the form of blame, criticism or emotional blackmail, and attempts to induce guilt may be used to ensure compliance with the parent’s wishes and their need for narcissistic supply. Wikipedia

Wow, these people must have met my mom. ha ha but seriously. In my case the narcissism was combined with a lot of neglect, physical and emotional. In fact, there was zero emotional input from my mother. She was not available. She didn't keep me safe. She never put me first, honored me as a human being, paid attention to anything i was doing or experiencing. She repeatedly exposed me to emotional and physical danger. I could go on but you get the idea.

Dear old dad

I had the double misfortune of having a father that I am pretty sure was a sociopathic narcissist. I am not trying to label people here, or put people in a basic box, but you have to admit that labels can be one way to encompass your experience of a person without having to spell out all the dysfunction. so going back to Wikipedia: